For the Love of Dog: Take the Lead
“I’m starting to panic a little bit.”
“Calm me down. Talk me off the ledge.”
I had been overseeing a project for Toby's Pack, and a volunteer involved with the project was having a little trouble navigating all the moving parts.
In truth, her responsibility in the event was well within her talent scope. Nothing on her task list should have been stressful, but she was looking at other pieces that weren't hers to wrangle.
The Real Problem
For me, this was a clear indication of a lack of clearly defined leadership. As the board chair, it's my job to make sure everyone knows which tasks are theirs and what needs to happen next, and even though I've delegated a lot of the workload to others, the success of our project ultimately falls back to me. If she was worried about things going off the rails, then clearly I had left some doubt as to who was steering our group.
The Simple Fix
It was an easy fix, and since we're both dog people, I used a proven dog training technique to calm her nerves and lighten the mood at the same time. Referring to her own previously anxious dog, I simply said, "It's ok, you don't have to be in charge. I got this."
The Lightbulb Moment
We chuckled a little because it's such a simple reply, and yet it was exactly what she needed to hear. She also realized in graphic first-person detail what her anxious dog was really saying to her all the times he "lashed out" at moving bicycles and passersby. He wasn't displaying dominance or intentionally obstinate behavior.
He was begging for help!
Begging for Help
With every lunge, every shrill bark, and every intense stare, he was asking for someone to PLEASE step up and take charge "because I don't have this!" The world can be an intimidating place for all of us, dogs included, and when your dog doesn't know clearly and with certainty who is in charge when things get concerning, they assume the responsibility must fall to them, and since they know they aren't qualified to lead, they become fearful, anxious, and often reactive!
In the beginning of our volunteer’s dog ownership she had repeatedly misread what her big furry friend was trying to convey. She heard "I hate bikes! I hate traffic! I hate bunnies in my yard!"
Since she didn't know what to watch for, she missed the beginning of his conversation. The part where he said:
"I'm starting to panic a little bit."
"Calm me down. Talk me off the ledge."
Missing the Early Warning Signs
Not realizing he was desperate for leadership, she failed to act on those early cues, so his behavior escalated as his anxiety grew unchecked.
Anxiety and reactivity that go unaddressed in dogs all too often get labeled as "aggression." That label too often leads to injuries (or just the fear of injuries), and that too often leads to euthanasia.
Duchess's Story
Another dog in our program, Duchess, is a textbook example of this progression.
Duchess spent the first several years of life as an only dog. There weren't other dogs around to react to. Following the passing of her humans, she landed in a home with another dog. Most days they got along well, but when the other dog's activity became too intense, Duchess felt anxious. Since she hadn't had experience learning how to deal with that anxiety, she took charge in the only way she knew how and lashed out at the other dog in the home. Since that, on the surface, looks like aggression, the new owner was advised euthanasia was the best option.
Fortunately, he called us instead, and after a few weeks of clear, calm leadership, Duchess learned appropriate ways to mitigate her anxiety when the world is too active. Now that she trusts that her person is in charge, the world feels much safer to her, and her behavior reflects that.
The Translation
Likewise, our volunteer’s dog had never really said "I hate that." He actually had said "That gives me big feelings, and I don't know how to handle that, so someone please tell me I don't have to be in charge!"
Can you imagine if my response in the human conversation had been angry, defensive, or even dismissive? How dare she question my leadership? How could she not know I've got this covered? I don't have time to dignify that with a response!
Now consider walking your dog down a street in town, and at the advance of another passing dog, yours begins barking and lunging, pulling at the leash. Your dog is reactive because you haven't clearly stated who's in charge!
You have some options:
Yell and scream, assert your "dominance," yank on the leash, panic and freeze and pray the other dog passes you quickly.
Force your dog to sit and endure the discomfort of uncertainty while the other dog approaches, tension builds, and they finally move on with no real resolution.
Stay calm and confident, place yourself between the dogs, and firmly talk your dog through the tough parts as you keep walking.
Different Language, Same Principle
Which response do you think is going to get your dog to trust your leadership?
Since we speak the same language, talking a human off the emotional ledge was pretty simple. The words I used with her won't work on reactive dogs, so owners have to take a different approach to convincing their dogs who is in charge. The approach has to involve patience, clear communication, consistent responses, and calm, confident leadership. A solid dog trainer can offer guidance on the details, but the communication has to come from your end of the leash!
Getting Better at Reading the Signs
Since we're human, I'm sure a time will come when I'll drop the ball again and let someone on the team worry that no one is guiding our course, but just like with my own dogs, I'm getting better at watching for signs of anxiety. It's my job to be proactive in those moments and remind my team — human and canine alike — that everything is ok. I got this.